Navigating Life’s Quakes
Lifequakes are often unavoidable and uncomfortable, but I’ve learned to appreciate what they shake loose. Bruce Feiler, author of ‘Life is in the Transitions’, who coined the term lifequakes to describe times of great transition in our lives, estimates most of us spend on average half of our adult lives in upheaval being unexpectedly uprooted from our planned path (for a deep dive, check out Bruce’s awesome TED talk). So it makes sense to develop strategies to successfully navigate major life transitions. Several years ago my own ‘healthquake’ led me to a career in which I regularly encounter people in the midst of their own lifequakes. As a both a coach, and a wellbeing worker in aged care, I’m privileged to support people when their lives have gone off-script.
What have I realised? Firstly, moving through a lifequake is difficult. This may sound obvious. However, it is a reminder to be kind. People who are kind to themselves, and allow space and time to grieve the life they once had, feel fearful about what’s next, and even accept shame, emerge on the other side with greater self-confidence and the ability to recover any gains available from the situation.
Secondly, seeking the company of others cultivates the conditions to not just survive but thrive during times of change. My elders sing, paint, eat, laugh, cry, and attempt to solve the mysteries of life together. Through reminiscence and conversations, we share wisdom, try on new perspectives, and recognise that lifequakes don’t have to be faced alone. In community, elders serve each other and discover opportunities for renewed life purpose.
Thirdly, resilience and a new beginning can be found among uncertainty. Committing to stand in uncertainty when the ground threatens to crack apart at our feet and let go of old habits that no longer serve us takes courage because we fear we might somehow lose ourselves. A path I’ve supported many of my coaching clients to navigate. But Author of the book FLUX: 8 Superpowers for Thriving in Constant Change, April Rinne, talks about how getting lost opens fresh possibilities. I’ve observed people uncover immense creativity, a cheeky sense of humour, and a fiercely curious mind.
If you are currently in the middle of a lifequake (chances are some of you are), I hope my observations may be of some assistance, and please take heart that over time as many of my elders and clients do, you’ll rewrite your life story all the richer for having experienced this transition.